When I was 18 I gave ALL of myself to someone. I shared every last ounce of myself. No--not "shared"--I GAVE myself to someone. For 20 years I not only loved this person, I cherished him. I believed my life was incomplete without him. 3 years ago, he left me. I don't feel the need to go into the pain--there are no words for it anyway. Suffice to ssay it took me to places I never want to go again. For a short time, I wasn't even "here." I'm not sure where I was--I couldn't get far enough away from myself or the pain.
Fast forward to today. August 14, 2010. I cannot believe I am considering it again. BUT I AM. I want to take that last courageous step to the edge, gently close my eyes, open my arms wide, and, fully trusting in love--REAL LOVE--fall.
I want to share my life. I want someone to make me smile and to make someone smile in return. I want someone to wake everyday with me on their mind first. And I want them to close their eyes every night with me on their mind last. I want it--and for the first time in a long time, I believe I deserve it.
It isn't about whether or not "HE" is the one, it's about believing there is one. For me.
I'm surrendering--and it feels good.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Surrendering
When I was 18 I gave ALL of myself to someone. I shared every last ounce of myself. No--not "shared"--I GAVE myself to someone. For 20 years I not only loved this person, I cherished him. I believed my life was incomplete without him. 3 years ago, he left me. I don't feel the need to go into the pain--there are no words for it anyway. Suffice to ssay it took me to places I never want to go again. For a short time, I wasn't even "here." I'm not sure where I was--I couldn't get far enough away from myself or the pain.
Fast forward to today. August 14, 2010. I cannot believe I am considering it again. BUT I AM. I want to take that last courageous step to the edge, gently close my eyes, open my arms wide, and, fully trusting in love--REAL LOVE--fall.
I want to share my life. I want someone to make me smile and to make someone smile in return. I want someone to wake everyday with me on their mind first. And I want them to close their eyes every night with me on their mind last. I want it--and for the first time in a long time, I believe I deserve it.
It isn't about whether or not "HE" is the one, it's about believing there is one. For me.
I'm surrendering--and it feels good.
Fast forward to today. August 14, 2010. I cannot believe I am considering it again. BUT I AM. I want to take that last courageous step to the edge, gently close my eyes, open my arms wide, and, fully trusting in love--REAL LOVE--fall.
I want to share my life. I want someone to make me smile and to make someone smile in return. I want someone to wake everyday with me on their mind first. And I want them to close their eyes every night with me on their mind last. I want it--and for the first time in a long time, I believe I deserve it.
It isn't about whether or not "HE" is the one, it's about believing there is one. For me.
I'm surrendering--and it feels good.
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