OK fellas. It’s time. It’s time to step up to the plate and take care of some business with the woman you love. And I can tell you from experience that IF YOU DON’T, SOMEONE ELSE WILL. So, I am here to help. Here it is. My list of 10 things. 10 very simple, inexpensive, EASY things you can do to show her—really show her that you still love her. I’ve thought about these for a while now. Just thinking about what it would take to sweep me off my feet. And, because I’m a writer, words swirled and danced in my head that made me feel as though these 10 things would work. Words like surprise, whispers, unexpected, and quiet love. Come on now, fellas. Don’t wuss out on me now. Try one. Just one. Try one of the 10 this week—and then—get back to me on her reaction. I GUARANTEE IT WILL BE WONDERFUL. OK, here they are in no particular order.
1. The next time you are in a public place--(YES IT HAS TO BE A PUBLIC PLACE)—stop her. Put your hands on her shoulders, stop her grocery cart, take whatever she is holding in her hands and set it down turn her to face you, tuck her hair behind her ear and give her one, little, bare-whisper of a kiss. AND DO NOT LOSE EYE CONTACT. Don’t say anything, don’t do anything else. Give her back her things (better yet hold them for her!) and move on.
2. The next time you are driving together (no kids on this one), stop on the side of the road unexpectedly. Wait for a beautiful slow song. Turn it up. Way up. Get out of the car, go to her side, open the door, pull her out and slow dance with her. Don’t say anything for chrissakes, you’ll screw it up. Just dance and hold her.
3. The next time she is in the shower, stick her bath towels in the dryer and meet her when she opens the shower door with warm bath towels and a warm kiss. If she asks any questions, just shrug. THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX, SO FORGET IT. It’s about romance. So don’t go in there expecting a visit to the Southern Hemisphere. Just a warm kiss. And, again? Do not lose eye contact.
4. One day this week. One time this week. Just once in your life for chrissakes, compliment her in front of others. Mention how good her cooking is or how she is such a good Mom. SURPRISE THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND SAY SOMETHING DECENT IN FRONT OF OTHERS. I know. I know. Something new for you—just try it. Trust me; it’ll take you a long way.
5. YOU SLEEP IN THE WET SPOT.
6. Go up behind her. Whether she’s cooking, or doing dishes, or on the phone. Just quietly go up behind her (please resist the hard slap on the ass—it’s not as great as you’ve been thinking) and put your arms around her from behind. Just hold her and sway a little bit. And listen to this….soft kisses on the neck are irresistible. TOTALLY. Don’t bump. Don’t grind. Just sway.
7. Tell the kids you need to talk to them. Tell them it’s a “family meeting” (yeah, like on the Brady Bunch—get over it). Make sure she’s there too. Don’t tell her anything. Once the kids are assembled, tell them you thought it was important that they know how much you love their Mom and how wonderful she is. Don’t ad lib here, boys. Whatever you do, don’t try to be a George Carlin or friggin Andrew Dice Clay. BE NICE. That’s all. Serious and nice.
8. Make her a mixed CD. Oh for the love of God, it is not that difficult. Don’t be so goddamn lazy. You’ll walk a mile in the snow uphill both ways to drink a Coors Light with a buddy, am I right? So? So take 10 friggin minutes and make a mixed CD. Don’t add things like “Baby Got Back” either. Stick to classics. Stick to romance. Stick to lyrics that mean something or songs from when you first met. Lady GaGa and ACDC probably aren’t going to cut it here. Use your head. If your head is broken, call a friend of the one you love and ask for help.
9. Tonight when you go to sit on the couch, INSIST that she lay HER head in YOUR lap. Stroke her hair, tucking it behind her ears occasionally. Softly here. Don’t let your hands stray to her breasts either. FOCUS. This is strictly about her face and neck. Don’t try anything. Just let her enjoy your touch without believing she’s going to have to put her legs over her head anytime soon.
10. Tell her you love her at least 10 times in one day. Write it. Say it. Play it in music. SHOW IT. More than once. More than when you leave for work or go to sleep at night. What’s that country song? “Somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear you love her.”
OK. That’s it. The rest is up to you. (God save us). May the force be with you guys!
Friday, October 8, 2010
This One's For The Boys...
OK fellas. It’s time. It’s time to step up to the plate and take care of some business with the woman you love. And I can tell you from experience that IF YOU DON’T, SOMEONE ELSE WILL. So, I am here to help. Here it is. My list of 10 things. 10 very simple, inexpensive, EASY things you can do to show her—really show her that you still love her. I’ve thought about these for a while now. Just thinking about what it would take to sweep me off my feet. And, because I’m a writer, words swirled and danced in my head that made me feel as though these 10 things would work. Words like surprise, whispers, unexpected, and quiet love. Come on now, fellas. Don’t wuss out on me now. Try one. Just one. Try one of the 10 this week—and then—get back to me on her reaction. I GUARANTEE IT WILL BE WONDERFUL. OK, here they are in no particular order.
1. The next time you are in a public place--(YES IT HAS TO BE A PUBLIC PLACE)—stop her. Put your hands on her shoulders, stop her grocery cart, take whatever she is holding in her hands and set it down turn her to face you, tuck her hair behind her ear and give her one, little, bare-whisper of a kiss. AND DO NOT LOSE EYE CONTACT. Don’t say anything, don’t do anything else. Give her back her things (better yet hold them for her!) and move on.
2. The next time you are driving together (no kids on this one), stop on the side of the road unexpectedly. Wait for a beautiful slow song. Turn it up. Way up. Get out of the car, go to her side, open the door, pull her out and slow dance with her. Don’t say anything for chrissakes, you’ll screw it up. Just dance and hold her.
3. The next time she is in the shower, stick her bath towels in the dryer and meet her when she opens the shower door with warm bath towels and a warm kiss. If she asks any questions, just shrug. THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX, SO FORGET IT. It’s about romance. So don’t go in there expecting a visit to the Southern Hemisphere. Just a warm kiss. And, again? Do not lose eye contact.
4. One day this week. One time this week. Just once in your life for chrissakes, compliment her in front of others. Mention how good her cooking is or how she is such a good Mom. SURPRISE THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND SAY SOMETHING DECENT IN FRONT OF OTHERS. I know. I know. Something new for you—just try it. Trust me; it’ll take you a long way.
5. YOU SLEEP IN THE WET SPOT.
6. Go up behind her. Whether she’s cooking, or doing dishes, or on the phone. Just quietly go up behind her (please resist the hard slap on the ass—it’s not as great as you’ve been thinking) and put your arms around her from behind. Just hold her and sway a little bit. And listen to this….soft kisses on the neck are irresistible. TOTALLY. Don’t bump. Don’t grind. Just sway.
7. Tell the kids you need to talk to them. Tell them it’s a “family meeting” (yeah, like on the Brady Bunch—get over it). Make sure she’s there too. Don’t tell her anything. Once the kids are assembled, tell them you thought it was important that they know how much you love their Mom and how wonderful she is. Don’t ad lib here, boys. Whatever you do, don’t try to be a George Carlin or friggin Andrew Dice Clay. BE NICE. That’s all. Serious and nice.
8. Make her a mixed CD. Oh for the love of God, it is not that difficult. Don’t be so goddamn lazy. You’ll walk a mile in the snow uphill both ways to drink a Coors Light with a buddy, am I right? So? So take 10 friggin minutes and make a mixed CD. Don’t add things like “Baby Got Back” either. Stick to classics. Stick to romance. Stick to lyrics that mean something or songs from when you first met. Lady GaGa and ACDC probably aren’t going to cut it here. Use your head. If your head is broken, call a friend of the one you love and ask for help.
9. Tonight when you go to sit on the couch, INSIST that she lay HER head in YOUR lap. Stroke her hair, tucking it behind her ears occasionally. Softly here. Don’t let your hands stray to her breasts either. FOCUS. This is strictly about her face and neck. Don’t try anything. Just let her enjoy your touch without believing she’s going to have to put her legs over her head anytime soon.
10. Tell her you love her at least 10 times in one day. Write it. Say it. Play it in music. SHOW IT. More than once. More than when you leave for work or go to sleep at night. What’s that country song? “Somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear you love her.”
OK. That’s it. The rest is up to you. (God save us). May the force be with you guys!
1. The next time you are in a public place--(YES IT HAS TO BE A PUBLIC PLACE)—stop her. Put your hands on her shoulders, stop her grocery cart, take whatever she is holding in her hands and set it down turn her to face you, tuck her hair behind her ear and give her one, little, bare-whisper of a kiss. AND DO NOT LOSE EYE CONTACT. Don’t say anything, don’t do anything else. Give her back her things (better yet hold them for her!) and move on.
2. The next time you are driving together (no kids on this one), stop on the side of the road unexpectedly. Wait for a beautiful slow song. Turn it up. Way up. Get out of the car, go to her side, open the door, pull her out and slow dance with her. Don’t say anything for chrissakes, you’ll screw it up. Just dance and hold her.
3. The next time she is in the shower, stick her bath towels in the dryer and meet her when she opens the shower door with warm bath towels and a warm kiss. If she asks any questions, just shrug. THIS IS NOT ABOUT SEX, SO FORGET IT. It’s about romance. So don’t go in there expecting a visit to the Southern Hemisphere. Just a warm kiss. And, again? Do not lose eye contact.
4. One day this week. One time this week. Just once in your life for chrissakes, compliment her in front of others. Mention how good her cooking is or how she is such a good Mom. SURPRISE THE SHIT OUT OF HER AND SAY SOMETHING DECENT IN FRONT OF OTHERS. I know. I know. Something new for you—just try it. Trust me; it’ll take you a long way.
5. YOU SLEEP IN THE WET SPOT.
6. Go up behind her. Whether she’s cooking, or doing dishes, or on the phone. Just quietly go up behind her (please resist the hard slap on the ass—it’s not as great as you’ve been thinking) and put your arms around her from behind. Just hold her and sway a little bit. And listen to this….soft kisses on the neck are irresistible. TOTALLY. Don’t bump. Don’t grind. Just sway.
7. Tell the kids you need to talk to them. Tell them it’s a “family meeting” (yeah, like on the Brady Bunch—get over it). Make sure she’s there too. Don’t tell her anything. Once the kids are assembled, tell them you thought it was important that they know how much you love their Mom and how wonderful she is. Don’t ad lib here, boys. Whatever you do, don’t try to be a George Carlin or friggin Andrew Dice Clay. BE NICE. That’s all. Serious and nice.
8. Make her a mixed CD. Oh for the love of God, it is not that difficult. Don’t be so goddamn lazy. You’ll walk a mile in the snow uphill both ways to drink a Coors Light with a buddy, am I right? So? So take 10 friggin minutes and make a mixed CD. Don’t add things like “Baby Got Back” either. Stick to classics. Stick to romance. Stick to lyrics that mean something or songs from when you first met. Lady GaGa and ACDC probably aren’t going to cut it here. Use your head. If your head is broken, call a friend of the one you love and ask for help.
9. Tonight when you go to sit on the couch, INSIST that she lay HER head in YOUR lap. Stroke her hair, tucking it behind her ears occasionally. Softly here. Don’t let your hands stray to her breasts either. FOCUS. This is strictly about her face and neck. Don’t try anything. Just let her enjoy your touch without believing she’s going to have to put her legs over her head anytime soon.
10. Tell her you love her at least 10 times in one day. Write it. Say it. Play it in music. SHOW IT. More than once. More than when you leave for work or go to sleep at night. What’s that country song? “Somewhere other than the night, she needs to hear you love her.”
OK. That’s it. The rest is up to you. (God save us). May the force be with you guys!
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