I got a lot of responses on last week’s blog. I got the second most hits ever (thanks, guys!). I also received a comment from a friend—Patty Backus Gardepe—who suggested that in all fairness I write one for the girls. Well, this one was a little more difficult. I mean, I can only write from my perspective—so I would be suggesting what I THINK would help. The other difficulty in writing this was, in all honesty, that I kept coming up with ideas to turn him on—which—if you remember correctly, was NOT what the other blog was about. It was about showing her you LOVED her. But, the more I contemplated it, the more I came to the realization that—for most men—the ability to turn them on somehow translates into showing them you love them. Right? Wrong? Who am I to say? Remember, this blog is only my OPINION. It and fifty-cents will get you a copy of coffee. So, here it is. 10 ways to turn your man on. Rules are the same. You can read it, but you have to promise to try one—at least one—and report back. Now, fellas, I KNOW MY GIRLS. They are gonna try this…so this is about to get real good!
1. Flash him. Wait till he least expects it. Stop worrying about your hips or your sags or that belly that started to look like you popped open a container of Pillsbury biscuit dough. Wait till he’s outside and flash him out the window. Wait till he’s getting out of the shower and flash him before stepping out. Do NOT stand around waiting for a reaction. Just flash and dash. If he asks what that was all about—just shrug. Just once. Just this week, give him a booby peek-a-boo.
2. The next time you get up in the middle of the night to pee, come back to bed naked. Take off the flannels, ladies—get rid of the sweats one night—stop worrying about a possible fire or a child walking in (I promise they won’t need therapy even if they do see you naked). Don’t DO anything. Just crawl into bed naked and let HIM discover YOU. Believe you me; if this is something you don’t normally do, he will be suitably impressed. Just once. Just this week, leave your Snoopy P.J.s outside the covers.
3. Take a picture. Be Brave! Be Bold! Throw caution to the wind just this once and take a quick snapshot with your phone. No, not of your face. No, not of the cat, or dog, or the kids Halloween costume. Take a picture of your Ta Ta’s. That’s right. This one takes some courage, I know, believe me I know. But, let’s be fair, if we want them to stop the car and dance with us on a back road—we might need to compromise a little. Just this once. Just this week—say “cheese.”
4. Feel him up. OK! OK! I know it sounds bad. But, remember, this isn’t about romance. This is about turning him on. And, at least in my experience, nothing turns him on more than an unexpected stroke or two. Not in bed! In the grocery store! While sitting on the couch watching Robin Meade on CNN Headline News. Just once. Just this week, during the last 15 minutes of CSI reach out, reach down, and give it a good squeeze or two.
5. Talk dirty. Trust me on this one. And, let’s face it, most of you already know. Leaning in close and whispering those "naughty" words he never hears YOU utter in his ear will change his expression instantly. Since this is a family blog, I won’t list the words here. If, however, you need specific words, e-mail me at hulsehodges@yahoo.com. This works best in a public place it not only turns a man on it creates a sense of excitement and danger of getting caught. The other night I got into bed, snuggled up to my Jerry and whispered, “Daddy, I’ve been naughty.” Holy Crap! You should have seen the look on his face! Ooooh yeah. Just once. Just this week, call it something other than “down there.”
6. Get off your back. Yes, I know it’s comfortable there. Yes I know it’s nice to lay there after a long day AND feel good at the same time. But believe you me, if you’ve seen the ceiling the last 3 out of 4 times you’ve had sex, you need to switch it up. Just once. Just this week, let him look at the ceiling.
7. Suck an ice cube and then lick his nipples. Slowly, in circles starting from the outside of the nipple. Once you get to the inside, quick but gently bite it. No shit. I read this in Cosmo! Just once. Just this week, see if his nipples are as sensitive as yours are!
8. Perineum. Look it up. Work it. Done and Done. Just once. Just this week, the Perineum.
9. Softly, slowly, trace his body with your fingertips. ALL OF IT. Start on his head and neck and work your way down. When you get to the Southern Hemisphere skip it and move onto his legs and feet. Wait until he is convinced you’re done tracing and THEN put it in overdrive and reach for the stick shift.
10. If all else fails, bake a goddamn apple pie! What do I know?
Monday, October 11, 2010
This One's For The Girls!
I got a lot of responses on last week’s blog. I got the second most hits ever (thanks, guys!). I also received a comment from a friend—Patty Backus Gardepe—who suggested that in all fairness I write one for the girls. Well, this one was a little more difficult. I mean, I can only write from my perspective—so I would be suggesting what I THINK would help. The other difficulty in writing this was, in all honesty, that I kept coming up with ideas to turn him on—which—if you remember correctly, was NOT what the other blog was about. It was about showing her you LOVED her. But, the more I contemplated it, the more I came to the realization that—for most men—the ability to turn them on somehow translates into showing them you love them. Right? Wrong? Who am I to say? Remember, this blog is only my OPINION. It and fifty-cents will get you a copy of coffee. So, here it is. 10 ways to turn your man on. Rules are the same. You can read it, but you have to promise to try one—at least one—and report back. Now, fellas, I KNOW MY GIRLS. They are gonna try this…so this is about to get real good!
1. Flash him. Wait till he least expects it. Stop worrying about your hips or your sags or that belly that started to look like you popped open a container of Pillsbury biscuit dough. Wait till he’s outside and flash him out the window. Wait till he’s getting out of the shower and flash him before stepping out. Do NOT stand around waiting for a reaction. Just flash and dash. If he asks what that was all about—just shrug. Just once. Just this week, give him a booby peek-a-boo.
2. The next time you get up in the middle of the night to pee, come back to bed naked. Take off the flannels, ladies—get rid of the sweats one night—stop worrying about a possible fire or a child walking in (I promise they won’t need therapy even if they do see you naked). Don’t DO anything. Just crawl into bed naked and let HIM discover YOU. Believe you me; if this is something you don’t normally do, he will be suitably impressed. Just once. Just this week, leave your Snoopy P.J.s outside the covers.
3. Take a picture. Be Brave! Be Bold! Throw caution to the wind just this once and take a quick snapshot with your phone. No, not of your face. No, not of the cat, or dog, or the kids Halloween costume. Take a picture of your Ta Ta’s. That’s right. This one takes some courage, I know, believe me I know. But, let’s be fair, if we want them to stop the car and dance with us on a back road—we might need to compromise a little. Just this once. Just this week—say “cheese.”
4. Feel him up. OK! OK! I know it sounds bad. But, remember, this isn’t about romance. This is about turning him on. And, at least in my experience, nothing turns him on more than an unexpected stroke or two. Not in bed! In the grocery store! While sitting on the couch watching Robin Meade on CNN Headline News. Just once. Just this week, during the last 15 minutes of CSI reach out, reach down, and give it a good squeeze or two.
5. Talk dirty. Trust me on this one. And, let’s face it, most of you already know. Leaning in close and whispering those "naughty" words he never hears YOU utter in his ear will change his expression instantly. Since this is a family blog, I won’t list the words here. If, however, you need specific words, e-mail me at hulsehodges@yahoo.com. This works best in a public place it not only turns a man on it creates a sense of excitement and danger of getting caught. The other night I got into bed, snuggled up to my Jerry and whispered, “Daddy, I’ve been naughty.” Holy Crap! You should have seen the look on his face! Ooooh yeah. Just once. Just this week, call it something other than “down there.”
6. Get off your back. Yes, I know it’s comfortable there. Yes I know it’s nice to lay there after a long day AND feel good at the same time. But believe you me, if you’ve seen the ceiling the last 3 out of 4 times you’ve had sex, you need to switch it up. Just once. Just this week, let him look at the ceiling.
7. Suck an ice cube and then lick his nipples. Slowly, in circles starting from the outside of the nipple. Once you get to the inside, quick but gently bite it. No shit. I read this in Cosmo! Just once. Just this week, see if his nipples are as sensitive as yours are!
8. Perineum. Look it up. Work it. Done and Done. Just once. Just this week, the Perineum.
9. Softly, slowly, trace his body with your fingertips. ALL OF IT. Start on his head and neck and work your way down. When you get to the Southern Hemisphere skip it and move onto his legs and feet. Wait until he is convinced you’re done tracing and THEN put it in overdrive and reach for the stick shift.
10. If all else fails, bake a goddamn apple pie! What do I know?
1. Flash him. Wait till he least expects it. Stop worrying about your hips or your sags or that belly that started to look like you popped open a container of Pillsbury biscuit dough. Wait till he’s outside and flash him out the window. Wait till he’s getting out of the shower and flash him before stepping out. Do NOT stand around waiting for a reaction. Just flash and dash. If he asks what that was all about—just shrug. Just once. Just this week, give him a booby peek-a-boo.
2. The next time you get up in the middle of the night to pee, come back to bed naked. Take off the flannels, ladies—get rid of the sweats one night—stop worrying about a possible fire or a child walking in (I promise they won’t need therapy even if they do see you naked). Don’t DO anything. Just crawl into bed naked and let HIM discover YOU. Believe you me; if this is something you don’t normally do, he will be suitably impressed. Just once. Just this week, leave your Snoopy P.J.s outside the covers.
3. Take a picture. Be Brave! Be Bold! Throw caution to the wind just this once and take a quick snapshot with your phone. No, not of your face. No, not of the cat, or dog, or the kids Halloween costume. Take a picture of your Ta Ta’s. That’s right. This one takes some courage, I know, believe me I know. But, let’s be fair, if we want them to stop the car and dance with us on a back road—we might need to compromise a little. Just this once. Just this week—say “cheese.”
4. Feel him up. OK! OK! I know it sounds bad. But, remember, this isn’t about romance. This is about turning him on. And, at least in my experience, nothing turns him on more than an unexpected stroke or two. Not in bed! In the grocery store! While sitting on the couch watching Robin Meade on CNN Headline News. Just once. Just this week, during the last 15 minutes of CSI reach out, reach down, and give it a good squeeze or two.
5. Talk dirty. Trust me on this one. And, let’s face it, most of you already know. Leaning in close and whispering those "naughty" words he never hears YOU utter in his ear will change his expression instantly. Since this is a family blog, I won’t list the words here. If, however, you need specific words, e-mail me at hulsehodges@yahoo.com. This works best in a public place it not only turns a man on it creates a sense of excitement and danger of getting caught. The other night I got into bed, snuggled up to my Jerry and whispered, “Daddy, I’ve been naughty.” Holy Crap! You should have seen the look on his face! Ooooh yeah. Just once. Just this week, call it something other than “down there.”
6. Get off your back. Yes, I know it’s comfortable there. Yes I know it’s nice to lay there after a long day AND feel good at the same time. But believe you me, if you’ve seen the ceiling the last 3 out of 4 times you’ve had sex, you need to switch it up. Just once. Just this week, let him look at the ceiling.
7. Suck an ice cube and then lick his nipples. Slowly, in circles starting from the outside of the nipple. Once you get to the inside, quick but gently bite it. No shit. I read this in Cosmo! Just once. Just this week, see if his nipples are as sensitive as yours are!
8. Perineum. Look it up. Work it. Done and Done. Just once. Just this week, the Perineum.
9. Softly, slowly, trace his body with your fingertips. ALL OF IT. Start on his head and neck and work your way down. When you get to the Southern Hemisphere skip it and move onto his legs and feet. Wait until he is convinced you’re done tracing and THEN put it in overdrive and reach for the stick shift.
10. If all else fails, bake a goddamn apple pie! What do I know?
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